Silver Spoons

Friday, September 24, 2004

Friday Night Fever…

Hurray, it’s Friday night again! The day before the weekends!
I should be celebrating and watching Survivor now,
You know, all the back stabbing and plotting,
But somehow… I don’t feel like doing it
(celebrating and watching Survivor, that is)…

No…

Not after all the things which happened in the past few days.
I should put all these nonsensical thoughts behind me by now,
And yet, as usual, I couldn’t…

The past few days have been a week of self-reflection,
It has been an identity seeking journey…

They say that bad things come all at once, and now, I believe it.
I have received endless criticisms and discouragements from people around me.
Those whom I have just met…
Those who are acquaintances…
And yet, the worst comments seem to have come from those whom I trust and respect.

But, I shouldn’t blame people for what has befallen upon me.
It has been my own fault.
Blame it on my zodiac, on my personality, on my attitude.

It has been my fault all along.
The problem is in me… No, the problem IS me…

For those who know my problems, I do not mean to ramble and waste your time.
I need to let it out, to express my anger and sadness,
To open up the tumultous rage which is locked within me (ok, I am crapping here)…

The REAL reason people dislike me is the way I talk, at least that’s what I think…
Yes, that’s it!

I have COMMUNICATION problems.
I fail to send my message across.
I fail to make people understand who I really am and what I really think.

The words which I let out do not match my inner feelings.

I give people the impression that I am an outspoken, crude, rude and a vulgar pervert who loves to piss everybody off.
And some people couldn’t take it.
Or maybe they really think that I am a crude, rude and vulgar pervert who loves to piss everybody off… (ok, this is worse than the stupid sissy who doesn’t know how to drive, haha)…

Anyway, the point is…
The message which I sent across gave people the impression that I can take any critism which comes along,
Which is actually untrue, (the part about me being able to accept any critism which comes along my way that is).

Actually, this is not the first time.
I think I have pissed off quite a handful of people who cannot stand the way I talk, haha…
They think I am too direct and inconsiderate.

Wait…

I AM too direct and inconsiderate…
Okay, I should change my style of talking.

I should restrain myself from letting out words (or laughing) without thinking first so that people won’t feel that I am a cranky uncle.
And I should conserve my humour whom other people think is hurtful.

True, not everybody can accept my ‘humour’…
So, why bother?

Just go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, rest, and the cycle goes on again, weeks, months, years.

No stupid humour, no cranky jokes, no funny stories, no vulgar profanities.

Everything is monotonous, just as expected.

The sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, the moon comes up, the sun comes up, the moon comes up, the sun, the moon…

Well, life goes on…

And this is just going to be another one of those days…

CHEERS!

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