Silver Spoons

Friday, September 24, 2004

Friday Night Fever…

Hurray, it’s Friday night again! The day before the weekends!
I should be celebrating and watching Survivor now,
You know, all the back stabbing and plotting,
But somehow… I don’t feel like doing it
(celebrating and watching Survivor, that is)…

No…

Not after all the things which happened in the past few days.
I should put all these nonsensical thoughts behind me by now,
And yet, as usual, I couldn’t…

The past few days have been a week of self-reflection,
It has been an identity seeking journey…

They say that bad things come all at once, and now, I believe it.
I have received endless criticisms and discouragements from people around me.
Those whom I have just met…
Those who are acquaintances…
And yet, the worst comments seem to have come from those whom I trust and respect.

But, I shouldn’t blame people for what has befallen upon me.
It has been my own fault.
Blame it on my zodiac, on my personality, on my attitude.

It has been my fault all along.
The problem is in me… No, the problem IS me…

For those who know my problems, I do not mean to ramble and waste your time.
I need to let it out, to express my anger and sadness,
To open up the tumultous rage which is locked within me (ok, I am crapping here)…

The REAL reason people dislike me is the way I talk, at least that’s what I think…
Yes, that’s it!

I have COMMUNICATION problems.
I fail to send my message across.
I fail to make people understand who I really am and what I really think.

The words which I let out do not match my inner feelings.

I give people the impression that I am an outspoken, crude, rude and a vulgar pervert who loves to piss everybody off.
And some people couldn’t take it.
Or maybe they really think that I am a crude, rude and vulgar pervert who loves to piss everybody off… (ok, this is worse than the stupid sissy who doesn’t know how to drive, haha)…

Anyway, the point is…
The message which I sent across gave people the impression that I can take any critism which comes along,
Which is actually untrue, (the part about me being able to accept any critism which comes along my way that is).

Actually, this is not the first time.
I think I have pissed off quite a handful of people who cannot stand the way I talk, haha…
They think I am too direct and inconsiderate.

Wait…

I AM too direct and inconsiderate…
Okay, I should change my style of talking.

I should restrain myself from letting out words (or laughing) without thinking first so that people won’t feel that I am a cranky uncle.
And I should conserve my humour whom other people think is hurtful.

True, not everybody can accept my ‘humour’…
So, why bother?

Just go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, go to work, come back, sleep, rest, and the cycle goes on again, weeks, months, years.

No stupid humour, no cranky jokes, no funny stories, no vulgar profanities.

Everything is monotonous, just as expected.

The sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, goes down, the moon comes up, goes down, the sun comes up, the moon comes up, the sun comes up, the moon comes up, the sun, the moon…

Well, life goes on…

And this is just going to be another one of those days…

CHEERS!

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Thank You

Sincerely dedicated to my best friends,
Thank you for accepting the fact that I am ugly,
When others fail to look,
Thank you for believing in me,
When others fail to see,
Thank you for knowing what my heart wants,
When others fail to notice,
Thank you for feeling comfortable with me,
When others feel awkward,
Thank you for accepting the fact that I am a sissy,
When others feel I shouldn’t be,
Thank you for trusting me when I say that I am not gay,
When others feel I am,
Thank you for never looking down upon me because I don’t have a car,
When others look for one,
Thank you for supporting me during my times of trouble,
When others fail to help,
Thank you for listening to my torturing rambling,
When others turn around,
Thank you for lending me a shoulder to cry on,
When others don’t want to hear a sound,
Thank you for accepting who I am,
When others think I am a crap.
What would my life be without you people?
Thank you…

In My Dreams...

In my dreams,
I am a knight,
Who rides on a horse so sturdy and white.

In my dreams,
I am an astronomer,
Who travels through planets in search of answers.

In my dreams,
I am an artist,
Who paints the world in shades of peace.

In my dreams,
I am a piano player,
Who pens down tunes for my beautiful lover.

In my dreams,
I am a fortune-teller,
Who predicts my life, which should have been better.

In my dreams,
I am a sailor,
Who travels the sea with courage and valor.

In my dreams,
I am Julius Caesar,
Who is a war leader and a nation ruler.

In my dreams,
I am a Chinese emperor,
Who rules the country without fear and terror.

True, as one of my best buddies puts it,
I am also who I am but not who I want to be,
I live in dreams which are fading rapidly.

Monday, September 20, 2004

S-T-U-P-I-D!

I am an idiot!
No, I am worse than that…

I am a buffalo, a baboon, a donkey, an ass…
A cow, a mule, a stupid, brainless, pig!
No, even a pig is smarter than me!

I am a scumbag…
I am the pus which feeds the fungus which grows on dust…
I am the stupidest person on Earth…
How can I be that stupid??!!!

I am the most stupidest, most dumbest, most idiotic person alive…
I should go into the Guinness Book of Records for my stupidity!
YA, THAT’S RIGHT!
I AM THE STUPIDEST PERSON EVER ALIVE!

CLAP HANDS FOR ME EVERYONE!
YES, THAT’S IT!
YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE BLOG OF THE STUPIDEST PERSON
ALIVE ON THIS PLANET YOU CALL EARTH!

Is there a knife around?
Just stick it through my throat and end this thing you call my life…

Aarrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Change

An old friend recently told me that I am too sissy.
I felt angry, upset, rejected, publicly humiliated…
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME!
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME!
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME!

I hate my face…
I hate my physique…
I hate my voice…
I hate my mentality…
I hate my behaviour…
I hate my attitude…
In short, I hate myself…
Now, I don’t even want to look at the person staring back at me in the mirror…
I have never felt so bad and depressed in my life.

Nevertheless, the comment sent me into a deep reflection about myself.
After all these years of being a sissy, I finally had it…
I must change… Yes, change! That’s what I must do… CHANGE!
After so much lamenting over the years, so many words spoken but no action taken, these are the things which I must do :-

Work
1) Find a better job which commands better pay and gives more benefits – Must find more money to buy a house, a car and to support a family. Of course, there’s always the catch to look out for…

Physical
1) Buff up – I am too thin. I want to be a meterosexual without looking sissy, ‘lala’ or ‘Ah Beng’ (country bumpkin who is a super-star wannabe). Must find a gym and go for workout on weekends.
2) Be more rugged – I give people the nerdy impression… Must look more sporty and athletic. (Mental note : In case Malaysia is doing a programme ala ‘Extreme Makeover, must apply to redo my ugly face).
3) Reduce hand gestures and body language – I do too much hand gestures that send people flying away. Must cut down on rolling my eyeballs as well.
4) Throw away old clothes and buy new ones – Got to get more money for that matter.
5) Launch vanity fair – Whiten my teeth. Dye my hair, maybe? Considering LASIK at the moment…

Mental
1) Be less fussy – Have to abstain myself from taking care of my books too much. (Yes people, I scold those who introduce even the slightest dent into the pages of my books).
2) Be more decisive and less ‘por na’ (means indecisive, not porno, people) – Have to stop myself from rambling to people and beating around the bush when deciding on an issue.
3) Exploration – Must drive around town and the outskirts as well. Don’t want to be categorised as ‘sua ku’ (frog under the coconut shell). I currently rely too much on ladies for driving me around…
4) Must get more guy friends – My best friends are all girls at the moment… (Ya, you are right, something is definitely wrong with me…).
5) Be more playful – I am too serious…

Activities
1) Learn to take alcoholic drinks – Not cheap booze, but refined wine… Have to entertain other male colleagues if have the chance… But cannot take too much (price of alcoholic drinks just went up recently).
2) Clubbing – Have just been to karaoke (No, I don’t know how to sing, I just yell at the mic). Must learn clubbing soon. I would love to dance. Hopefully I won’t look like a squid. Any expert dancers here who can become my ‘guru’?
3) Must learn to listen to rock and heavy metal music - I am too into oldies, classics and new age music at the moment… Oh, and female divas for that matter (Barbra Streisand, Celine Dion, Dido, Enya, Mariah Carey, Sarah Brightman, Whitney Houston? What’s wrong with me, people??!!! Oh, but I still love Enigma and Oasis).

4) Have to force myself to watch football and join sports - Guys who are not sporty are not man enough...
5) Should I stop blogging? – Are blogging only for bored people who have no life? (Sorry bloggers, no offence)…

Will I be able to change so many things in a year? Ok, stop being so indecisive, Figlio Perduto… Support and pray for me, people… I am on my way for an extreme makeover… For the sake of myself and the humanity…

P/S : There’s one thing however, that I don’t think I can change… Being sarcastic and ‘mulut celupar’, my life would be boring without it… *PEACE AND JOY TO THE WORLD*

Saturday, September 18, 2004

All in a Day’s Work

Chief : Ok, Figlio Perduto, your script is ready…
Figlio Perduto : Oh, thank you, Chief… (Finally)…


~ Run to Room A ~
Figlio Perduto : Queen Latifah, can I use the printer?
Queen Latifah : Sure, take it. Stephen King has finished using it…
Figlio Perduto : (Wouldn’t it be better if each of us have our own printer?)… Thanks!


~ Lug the printer and run back to own room ~
~ Fit the printer port to computer and prepare to print ~
Figlio Perduto : (Finally)…
~ Sit in a chair and prepare to rest ~
Printer : Error in printing… Please abort… Error in printing… Please abort…

~ Stand up and check the connection ~
~ Nothing’s wrong ~
Figlio Perduto : (What the heck is the problem?)
~ Display the bored look ~
Loudspeaker : I don’t think that computer can print…
Chief : Ya, I think you better use another computer…
Figlio Perduto : Oh, ok… (Why don't tell you me next week?)

~ Save a copy of the script in a floppy disk and run over to Room A again, and lugging the printer along this time ~
Queen Latifah : Oh, finished using it already? So fast?
Figlio Perduto : Something’s wrong with my computer… I cannot print over there… Have to use Cookie Monster’s computer…
Queen Latifah : Ok…

~ Switch on Cookie Monster’s computer, insert the floppy disk, connect the printer, save the file into the computer, open the file and press PRINT ~
~ The printer churns out a few pieces of printed papers ~
Figlio Perduto : Ha, at last… (Smiles)…

~ After a few pages, the printer goes bonkers, drags a stack of papers across the roller and gets jammed ~
Figlio Perduto : (Oh god! What’s happening this time?) David the Great, can you help me?
David the Great : Just pull out the papers… (Lifts the printer cover and yanks the papers out) Ayo, why are you so greedy? Put the papers one by one…
Figlio Perduto : Oops, sorry… (By the time I finish, it should be the dawn of a new century)…
~ The printer starts churning out papers again ~

~ After a few papers, it stops ~
Figlio Perduto : (What’s the matter again this time?)
David the Great : (Looks over)… Are the three lights blinking?
Figlio Perduto : (Checks the printer)… Yes…
David the Great : Disconnect the printer’s power plug and connect it again…

~ The printer’s power plug is connected to an adaptor which is shared by the motherboard’s power plug ~
Figlio Perduto : (Pray I don’t get electrocuted, people!)
~ Reconnect the printer’s power plug without switching off the power, and without electrocuting myself for that matter ~
Figlio Perduto : Ok, it’s moving again! (Sighs with relief)…

~ One hour later ~
Figlio Perduto : Art Director, here’s the script.
Art Director : Oh, is this the original copy? Can you photocopy another set for me? The photocopier is over there… (Points to the photocopier across Room B)…
Figlio Perduto : (Is photocopying in the job description?)… Ok…

~ Run to the photocopier, stop halfway, run back ~
Figlio Perduto : Do you want me to photocopy on both sides of the paper or just one side? Can you teach me how to do double-sided photocopying? (Sorry, I am photocopier-illiterate)
Art Director : (Glares)… We are using recycled paper for photocopying. There’s only one side for you to photocopy…
Figlio Perduto : (Mute aka keep quiet)…
Art Director : But, you can use new papers if the recycled ones are finished. Normally, I just photocopy on one side. Double-sided photocopying is so troublesome…
Figlio Perduto : Oh, ok… (Do you know double-sided photocopying, by the way? The hell about saving costs then…)

~ Run to the photocopier again ~
~ Switch on the photocopier and prepare to photocopy ~
~ Titit, titit, OUT OF PAPER ~
~ Check the ream of spare papers, EMPTY ~
Figlio Perduto : (Whenever in need of stationery, look for Storekeeper)…

~ Run to look for Storekeeper ~
Figlio Perduto : Storekeeper, we ran out of papers for photocopying…
Storekeeper : Oh, I don’t keep papers with me…
Figlio Perduto : (I thought Storekeeper provides everything? From pencils to printer cartridges? Oh sorry, no pencils is provided in the office, they just have pens)…
Storekeeper : Can you go over to the main office to get it? (Grins)
Figlio Perduto : (What??!!! I have to go down the stairs, walk across the road, climb up another three flights of stairs, take the paper, climb down the three flights of stairs, walk across the road and go up the stairs again? Oh, boy…)
Fliglio Perduto : Alright… (Can I say no?)

~ Do actions as mentioned above ~
~ Sweating heavily, load paper into the photocopier ~
Figlio Perduto : (Finally, again)…

~ 30 minutes later ~
Figlio Perduto : Here, this is the copy…
Art Director : Thanks, when can I have the second script?

~ THE END ~

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Bored…

I am bored by my boring self. I am a boring person who is bored by the boringness of myself. I am bored by the boredom brought about by a boring person such as my boring self. I am so bored that I don’t even know how boring I am. I write boring blogs which boringly bring bored people to a level of boredom so boring that even such a boring person as my boring self cannot even bear. But I love to bore people with my boring blogs because these people are bored too. So, I end up boring my bored self, boring other bored people and create a boring boredom with my boringly boring blogs. Are you bored enough?

How Old are You?

Is it just me or is the world beginning to pay more attention to age nowadays? You know, the old adage of ‘Age Before Beauty’? It’s not so important how you look nowadays, but rather how old you are, or so it seems. Take for instance one interview the other day. Besides questions like “Are you sure you have applied for the right job?” and “What does your degree mean?”, which kept me rambling about things which I don’t even remember, there was of course, a question which sounded like the title above. I don’t know why people keep asking this, but I cannot see the relevance of the question here. Is it so important to know a person’s age? Young or old, if a person can contribute and shows a high level of maturity as well as willingness to learn, who cares about age? So, for those of you who are reading this, please remember these two rules : Rule No. 1) Don’t ask me how old I am, Rule No. 2) In case you forget, please refer back to Rule No. 1. Cheers.

Curiosity Kills the Cat, and Beyond…

A girl was doing her homework until the wee hours of the morning. She was using a study table which was located next to a window. Trying to complete her lab report, she was irritated when a gust of wind suddenly blew in from the window, sending her papers everywhere. Standing up to close the window panes, she suddenly noticed a white object passed by swiftly. Curious, she stuck out her head from the window to see what the thing was. Under the silver moonlight, she saw the object. It or rather she, was a ladylike figure in white, with long black hair extending to her buttocks and long witchlike fingernails. With her face still out of view, the figure reversed back. The girl fainted.

Ideas

I am running out of ideas… I am running out of ideas…
I am running out of ideas… I am running out of ideas…
I am running out of ideas… I am running out of ideas…
I am running out of ideas… I am running out of ideas…
I am running out of ideas… I am running out of ideas…
I am running out of ideas… I am running out of ideas…
I just run out of ideas.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Bing and Bong

Version A
Mr. Bing : Hello?
Miss Sito : Hello, may I speak to Mr. Bing, please?
Mr. Bing : Which Mr. Bing? The engineer, the teacher or the salesman?
Miss Sito : The lawyer?
Mr. Bing : Wrong number. (Slams down the phone)

Version B
Mr. Bong : Hello?
Miss Auyong : Hello, may I speak to Mr. Bong, please?
Mr. Bong : Which Mr. Bong? The big, the medium or the small one?
Miss Auyong : The ugly one?
Mr. Bong : That’s my father. (Slams down the phone)

The Catch

There’s a catch in everything. You know, when you think you have found the perfect woman, she has supermodel looks, knows how to drive, cook and clean, amazingly funny and witty, but only to discover that she smokes? Or when you think you have found the perfect guy, who has a sexy face and an athletic body, possesses two houses and three cars, but only to find out that he is gay? And of course, when you found a perfect job, the pay is superbly high, the benefits are overwhelming, the working environment is good, the colleagues are friendly, but it is a four hours drive to and fro from the office every morning? Would you go for it? Would you turn a blind eye to the catch and open your eyes wide to the good points instead? Or would you dwell on the catch and look for better options, only to trap yourself in yet another catch? And the questions repeat themselves…

What Would You Do?

A host asked a beauty pageant on a talkshow, “Which part of your body do you love most?” And the beauty pageant innocently said, “My nimple.” The host stared at her blankly, wondering what to do. He asks her, “Can you show it to us?” And the beauty pageant pointed to her dimple and smiled. My question : "Imagine you are the host, and the beauty pageant pointed somewhere else, what would you do next?"

Drama King of Queens

I am so dramatic. Drama is my middle name. I am the drama king. Some of my friends said I am the drama queen. One even calls me the drama king of queens. But then again, what in this world is not dramatic? Take a look around you. Just take the television for example. It’s seems that the world is crazy about reality game shows nowadays. It started off with Survivor of course, and then Amazing Race came in. Or was it Fear Factor first? The Bachelor and Average Joe then butted in to join the fun. And then there was American Idol and Extreme Makeover. With the world so into reality game shows nowadays, how not to be dramatic? Who knows, I may star in a new reality game show soon, ‘The Drama King of Queens’.